Posted by
Steve Maloney on Friday, April 27, 2007 11:54:58 PM
Humor Section (Sardonic at Times, Granted):
As I’ve said before – and probably will say again – humor humanizes political candidates, especially those who want to be President of the U.S. Of course, jokes about officials in high offices – George Bush, Dick Cheney, and the like – are common. Jokes about lesser-known candidates, which is my specialty, are rare. Today (Saturday, just before midnight, EDT,) I’m taking on some big challenges, Republican contenders Senator Sam Brownback (of Kansas) and California Congressman Duncan Hunter. If you scroll down through my columns, you’ll find jokes about Mitt Romney, John McCain, and a host of others, including the ever-popular Hillary Clinton.
If you have jokes of your own – original ones preferred – send them along. You can put them in the comments section or e-mail them to me at TalkTop65@aol.com. As always, thanks for visiting. If you like this site – and there are new jokes everyday – please bookmark it and tell your friends!
You might ask: Aren’t Presidents men (so far) with distinguished names like Thomas, Andrew, Abraham, Calvin, Millard, Grover, Franklin, and Theodore? So what are doing with a bunch of guys named Newt, Mitt, Rudy, Sam, and Fred?
First Known Examples of Brownback and Hunter Jokes!
Sam Brownback? The one thing you hear about him is that he’s a fighter. I guess you need to learn to fight early in life if your name is “Brownback.”
Little known fact: He’s only Senator Brownback during the summer. When fall arrives, he becomes Tanback . . . and, when the snow flies, Whiteback.
He was asked where he got his first name. He replied, "I believe it was from my Uncle Yosemite."
As for Duncan Hunter, who is he? As described on Townhall, “Hunter is a decorated Vietnam veteran who served with the 173rd Airborne Division and the 75th Army Rangers. After returning home, he attended law school and opened offices in San Diego's Hispanic Barrio Logan, often offering legal services at no charge. Last October, before the Republican congressional losses, Hunter announced his simultaneous retirement from Congress and his presidential candidacy. In other words, he is serious about this campaign.”
In a U. S. Congress with a higher-than-average number of wusses, Hunter is a true conservative and one tough guy. Reportedly, Nancy Pelosi has a crush on him, something she’d never admit in trendy San Francisco.
Republican minority leader Boehner moved gruff-talking Duncan Hunter’s House seat far away from the Democrats. It turned out Hunter was scaring Dennis Kucinich.
Hunter observed the other day that he thought the nomination should go to the candidate who won the candidates’ traditional arm-wrestling contest. .
Hunter was asked if he ever spent $400 for a haircut. He said no, that when it gets a little shaggy he just yanks some out.
A reporter asked, "If there was a real fight between you and Barack Obama, who would win? Hunter replied, “The big winner? Whatever local mortuary that got him.”
A reporter asked why Hunter didn’t support gun control, and he almost winged the journalist with a Glock.
I’m not saying Hunter is tough, but it’s true that he eats a steak without a knife or fork.
They don’t ask Hunter to speak at schools anymore because he scares the children.
Somebody asked Hunter what he thought of the current Democratic candidates, and he said, “You mean Snow-Dingy and the seven dwarfs?”
You know Hunter can be intimidating. Ahmadinejad, the ruler of Iran, addressed him as “Your Highness.”
It’s absolutely not true that he’s the founder of Dunkin Donuts.
When asked what he thought of gay marriage, he said that he believed the bride and groom should have a great time at the wedding.
David Letterman said Friday night – this attribution is true – that “the Pope has gotten rid of Limbo.” He explained, “Limbo is the place you go before you go to Hell.” As a result of that comment, the Pope has withdrawn Letterman’s Degree in Theology. (Note to those who care about such things: Limbo in the old Catholic tradition is where unbaptized babies who die go; they don’t go to hell.]
Saturday night about midnight, I'll have a review of the jokes about Presidential candidates, as well as some new ones. Late Sunday (about midnight) I'll have a column that take off on John Hawkin's Townhall piece about "10 Differences Between Liberals & Conservatives." His essay is serious, stressing things like individual responsibility. Mine is (hee-hee) less serious. For example, one of my differences is: "Conservative women shave their legs -- even in winter." Come visit.