Posted by
Steve Maloney on Thursday, April 26, 2007 8:30:32 PM
As promised, here is my real-time (almost) humorist's evaluation of the Democratic debate in South Carolina. Before it starts, here's how I'd love to see it start with something like the following:
After all the candidate's praise the "wonderful . . . historically Black college . . . and its superb faculty . . . and outstanding, motivated, upwardly bound student body," I'd like to see a student (Black, of course) stand up and say: "Mrs. Clinton, and gentlemen, we appreciate all your kind words about our institution. But what I'd like to ask is you all is this: Do ANY of you intend to recommend to your children or grandchildren that they apply for admission here? For answers to my question, let's start with Mrs. Clinton . . . ." (Biden: ". . . to show off the incredible capability of an historic Black college . . .")
After what I believe is called a series of "pregnant pauses," the moderator would reassume control of the debate.
Here are my evaluations of the debate and its key performers, humor accompanied by their own serious (?) words.
Humor in bold-face:
First, how could we characterize tonight's debate? Maybe call it "Snow-Off-White and the Seven Dwarfs?" ("Senator Clinton, the majority of the American people have an unfavorable view of you . . ." -- Brian Williams)
Brian Williams of NBC, host of the debate, actually asked hard questions. What do you think got into him?
What about a ticket of Mike Gravel and Dennis Kucinich? They could call it "The Unspeakable and the Unpronounceable."
("Some of these people [candidates] up here frighten me -- the top tier ones" -- Mike Gravel)
It probably wasn't a good idea for Senator Biden to praise Senator Obama again for his cleanliness. ("In addition to Biden's uncontrolled verbosity, Biden is a gaffe machine." -- LA Times) (:" . . . [Biden on abortion] I led the fight to defeat Roberts and Alito")
It was very highminded of John Edwards to describe his $400 haircut as payback for his dad being a mill worker. (Bill Richardson, "The American people don't want blow-dried candidates." Hmmmmm.)
John Edwards says there are "Two Americas." I guess I'm in the one where it doesn't cost $400 for a haircut.
I finally figured out why Barack Obama didn't vote for or against the Iraq War Resolution. Nobody asked him to.
Next Febuary's South Carolina primary will be critical for that "red state's" people. They know it's the last time in 2008 that they'll see a Democratic presidential candidate.
Will it hurt Obama that he smokes? Only if it keeps coming out his ears.
(Obama: "Do women have the right to make these profoundly difficult decisions [i.e., partial birth abortions)?"
I predict Dennis Kucinich's campaign slogan will be: "I'm short, and all the other guys are tall." His poll numbers probably will double, from 1% to 2%.
All the candidates bashed GWB hard. But did anyone tell them he's not running again?
These candidates really think the War in Iraq was an awful mistake. I heard Mike Gravel mumbling about joining Al Qaeda.
Apparently, only one person there was ready to mention God. It occurred with three minutes left when Edwards referred to "my Lord." (He paused for a long, long time before so doing.)
On partial-birth-abortion, they were all relatively enthusiastic about it. But John Edwards one-upped the rest when he basically implied he'd perform one if necessary.
"This decision [on partial-birth abortion] is a classic example of what's at stake in this election." -- John Edwards) (Edwards on Obama: "High-falluting rhetoric is not enough.")
Most impressive to this right-wing Hillary-basher: Hillary Rodham Clinton, especially (and amazingly) on health care and on the War on Terror. Richardson also impressed me somewhat -- again, on health care -- and he gave the best answer as to what he'd do if terrorists attacked (and decimated?) two American cities. Obama essentially said that he'd conduct an investigation of the intelligence system -- pathetic.
Least impressive of top-tier: Barack Obama (empty rhetoric, unfocused -- when asked about the three nations that U.S. key allies, he didn't mention any, except Israel, after prompting)
On the issues of pro-life and pro-Second Amendment. None was pro-life in the normal sense of that term, and one (Richardson) was pro-Second-Amendment. No one really came out against "amnesty" for illegal immigrants. "[Illegal immigrants should "pay a fine, pay back taxes . . ." (Hillary Clinton)
Mike Gravel: "We have no important enemies. Who are we afraid of. Iraq has never been a threat to us."
"There's no such thing as one-sentence [answers] with this crowd." (Brian Williams)
The idea that terrorism has anything to do with militant Islam was never mentioned. The Taliban was mentioned a couple of times, but al Qaeda wasn't. North Korea and Iran got almost no mentions. Biden did talk about "stateless terrorism," but he didn't mention who the terrorists were. Kucinich said the global war on terror has been a "pretext" for the U.S. to engage in agressive war. He "doesn't see the world in terms of enemies."